Tag Archives: elections

California to Finish Vote Counting Before Any Other State

Wackos of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your minds. California’s Secretary of Election Returns, Sus Domesticus, declared today that the state would finish counting its votes before any of the other 49 states. Speaking to an audience of preschool students he went on to say “I effing guarantee it.” Not only…

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Dickens on Elections

In chapter 13 of The Pickwick Papers Dickens describes an election for the House of Commons in the borough of Eatanswill. There are two parties – the Buffs and the Blues. The two candidates, Slumkey (Blue) and Fizkin (Buff), have only one concern – getting elected. They and their supporters will resort to any chicanery…

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Why Politicians Lie

Human nature being what it is, all men prefer a false promise to a flat refusal. At the worst the man to whom you have lied may be angry. That risk, if you make a promise, is uncertain and delayed, and it affects only a few. But if you refuse [to promise aid or a…

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