A Brooklyn legislator has introduced a bill in the New York legislature that would ban chefs in New York from adding salt to food – he must be the same guy that designed my new toilet. Good for him. The public is as dumb as a pillar of salt and needs its enlightened lawmakers to guide them to eternal safety. Assemblyman Felix Ortiz, he’s the guy looking out for us, hasn’t gone far enough.

He obviously hasn’t realized that most of New York’s restaurants serve water – WATER! Can you believe that? Hasn’t he heard of water intoxication? Even one death from water intoxication is too many. I pray to all that’s holy (or secular if that’s your preference) that he get’s on the water wagon and bans the noxious stuff from the Empire State’s eating emporiums. And where’s the FDA when we need them? I would ban water not only in food preparation but on the table as well. We could turn the taps off for 20 hours a day and tax bottled water at twice the rate of gasoline. Of course, all in the name of public health. Don’t the chefs, restaurant owners, and purveyors of bottled water realize that their product can cause convulsions – fits for the vulgar.

Why do you think the 2000 year old man lived that long? Because he limited his diet to clouds, stars, and an occasional stuffed cabbage. Let no drop go unregulated.

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