The California state legislature just passed The Respiration Control Act banning breathing effective 2035. Introduced by San Francisco representative Twinkle Raspberry the state’s first trans-species legislator – they identifies as a hedgehog – the act will ban breathing effective 2035. Rep Raspberry explained that the gas exhaled by humans and other mammals is 4% to 5% by volume of carbon dioxide, about a 100 fold increase over the inhaled amount. Thus, respiration is a major contributor to the rising atmospheric CO
The new legislation will apply to all humans and domesticated mammals. Those that remain in a state of nature may apply for an exemption to the newly created Bureau of Respiratory Management. The only exception to this policy is for animals that possess quills. The are automatically exempt according to a last minute amendment inserted by Raspberry just before the final vote on the bill.
While the threat to the environment of exhaled CO2 is iminent, delaying implementation until 2035 will allow California residents sufficient time to switch to anaerobic metabolism. The 13 year hiatus will also allow for respirators and other breathing devices to be retrofitted or newly built to met the new standards. A pilot program will be started in Italy after California assumes the country’s national debt.
The governor’s office indicated that the bill would be signed as soon as it reached their desk. An unidentified spokesperson said that the new law would have other positive effects beyond those on the environment and climate. Homelessness would be gone within six months of the start date for the breathless program. The police could be safely defunded as there would be nothing for them to do. Crime would obviously be eliminated. Both equity and equality would would descend on the state like a benign mist.
The reaction to the new law around the country was mixed. New York indicated it would adopt similar legislation. Texas and Florida said they would seek a federal injunction against the law as they believed that millions of Californians would migrate eastward before 2035 along with their electric cars resulting in a demand on the power grid that would exceed supply. PETA while generally supportive, protested the inclusion of nonhuman mammals and also demanded that all domesticated creatures be immediately freed. Donald Trump has scheduled a rally.
