Category Archives: satire

Ancient

Tweet Shakespeare had seven ages of man. I being a far lesser mortal have but five, all prosaic. From 0 to 20 you’re a kid. From 20 to 40 young; 40 to 60 middle aged; 60 to 80 old. After 80 you’re ancient. Almost everyone want to live to be ancient, but nobody wants to…


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The First Medical Harvey Award

Tweet The MHA is named for Harvey Kurtzman (no relation) the  founder and first editor of Mad magazine. This award is not to be confused with the Harvey Awards for achievements in comic books. It (the MHA) is given to the authors of any paper in the scientific literature (not including the Journal of Irreproducible…


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Investing for the Long Run

Tweet If you’ve been following the stock market for the last couple of months you’ve likely been afflicted with repeated vasovagal attacks. This is as close to either medicine or opera as I’m going to get in this piece. When the markets submerge the advice emitted by both casual and professional observers is always the…


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American Airlines Will Soon Charge You Not to Fly

Tweet A couple of decades ago I wrote a piece in which I predicted my premature demise secondary to trying to make a 5 minute connection from Gate 1 to Gate 40 (they’ve since changed their numbering system) on American Airlines in DFW. Well, like most of my prognostications, it didn’t happen. Undeterred, I’ll venture…


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Daisy For President

Tweet Can a dog run for President of the United States? The answer is an unequivocal yes! Let me quote the Constitution: No person except a natural born citizen , or a citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adaption of this Constitution shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither…


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John Peter Zenger Rots in Hell

Tweet The great great great great,etc, grand nephew of Vincenzo Maculani, Vincenzo Maculani XVI, Girolamo Savonarola professor of climate science at George Wallace University appeared before the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology yesterday. He explained to the committee why the RICO statutes should be used to prosecute those who argue against the settled science of…


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Monogamy

Tweet It’s time someone spoke up for monogamy – true monogamy, real monogamy. The basic, undeniable, unalienable, constitutional right to marry yourself. With the US swarming with libertarians and brave new worlders, I can’t understand why no one has spoken up for monogamy before. It seems to me that true monogamy, as I see it,…


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Second Law of Thermodynamics Held Unconstitutional

Tweet A deeply divided Supreme Court, in a 5-4 decision, held the Second Law of Thermodynamics to be unconstitutional. In a decision released Monday the 4th of July, the first time the court has ever met on the nation’s birthday, the court ruled that the law violated the due process section of the 5th amendment. The case (ACLU v….


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How to Get off a Plane Stuck on the Tarmac

Tweet About 400,000 airline passengers a year get stuck on the tarmac for three hours or more. This counts only domestic flights. Congress has been debating a Passenger’s Bill of Rights since before Abraham was circumcised. The airlines have an infinity of reasons against its enactment. The gruesome details can be read here. As should…


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Off With Their Thumbs

Tweet I propose that the top 2% of earners in the US have their left thumbs amputated under the direction of the Department of Health and Human Services. Of course, this would be done under the proper medical supervision and with all necessary anesthesia and post-operative analgesia. We are a humane country. Left handers would…


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