Category Archives: satire

Second Law of Thermodynamics Held Unconstitutional

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 4th July 2011

Tweet A deeply divided Supreme Court, in a 5-4 decision, held the Second Law of Thermodynamics to be unconstitutional. In a decision released Monday the 4th of July, the first time the court has ever met on the nation’s birthday, the court ruled that the law violated the due process section of the 5th amendment. The case (ACLU v….


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How to Get off a Plane Stuck on the Tarmac

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 28th October 2009

Tweet About 400,000 airline passengers a year get stuck on the tarmac for three hours or more. This counts only domestic flights. Congress has been debating a Passenger’s Bill of Rights since before Abraham was circumcised. The airlines have an infinity of reasons against its enactment. The gruesome details can be read here. As should…


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Off With Their Thumbs

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 31st March 2009

Tweet I propose that the top 2% of earners in the US have their left thumbs amputated under the direction of the Department of Health and Human Services. Of course, this would be done under the proper medical supervision and with all necessary anesthesia and post-operative analgesia. We are a humane country. Left handers would…


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Americans Addicted to Food

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 8th March 2009

Tweet The normally sober George Will seems to have lost his marbles over corn. His latest column makes the discovery that America has figured out how to make almost endless amounts of food at a very low price. Mr Will thinks that this is bad because cheap food allows people to eat too much of…


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IRS Should Force Churches to Pray More

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 13th February 2009

Tweet A new report by the IRS has documented that most not for profit hospitals don’t take care of poor people. The author of the report could have asked his mother and she’d have told him that hospitals only take care of non-payers at the point of a gun and she’d have done so at…


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Public Polled on Origin of the Universe

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 9th February 2009

Tweet The report that the public favors the economic stimulus package now before the congress shows how great is popular understanding of complex issues. According to a CNN/Opinion Research Corp survey A slight majority of those surveyed, 54% , favors the bill while 45% are opposed. Sixty-four percent of those polled said the current bill…


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Everything’s Got a Reason, If Only You Can Find It

Written by Neil Kurtzman | 22nd January 2008

Tweet Also in Commentary For a decade I’ve been a chairman. Last month I got a new ID card that declared I was now a chairperson. Since I believe in the inexorable march of progress I’m sure that this appellationary alteration will serve a noble end even if I’m clueless as to what it might…


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