Category Archives: satire
California to Finish Vote Counting Before Any Other State
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 21st November 2022Wackos of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your minds. California’s Secretary of Election Returns, Sus Domesticus, declared today that the state would finish counting its votes before any of the other 49 states. Speaking to an audience of preschool students he went on to say “I effing guarantee it.” Not only…
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Entire World Tests Positive For COVID
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 20th December 2021In a stunning announcement The White House in cooperation with the CDC, the NIH, and the American Kennel Club revealed that all 7.9 billion of the earth’s inhabitants had tested positive for the coronavirus. The sole exception to this finding of universal positivity was Tom Brady who is exempt from the laws that govern biology….
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Met Opera Cancels Next 100 Seasons
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 17th October 2021Metropolitan Opera general Manager Peter Gelb announced that following this season the venerable company will take a century long sabbatical. The not unexpected action followed Anthony Tommasini’s likening of the current run of Franco Zeffirelli’s production of Puccini’s final opera Turandot to “anti-asian” hostility. Mr Tommasini, music critic for the New York Times, has pointed…
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The Case For Universal Lockdowns
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 18th July 2021The past year and a half has been distinguished for its lockdowns, mask mandates, the silencing of opinions that diverge from revealed wisdom, and generalized unfocused fear. There are some, perhaps many, who interpret these occurrences negatively. Being by disposition Panglossian, I see these events as harbingers of a future devoid of sorrow. First, deal…
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Infrastructure Bill Offers Immortality
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 3rd April 2021[A] man can die but once: we owe God a death… and let it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next. Shakespeare Henry IV: part 2 An intern working from home for the Lake Charles Courier and Ives Daily has discovered a hitherto neglected passage of the Infrastructure…
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The Ghost in the Machine – A Cautionary Tale
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 16th January 2021This article is almost a quarter of a century old. I wrote it for a print magazine and then published it here more than a decade ago. It’s buried in the site’s archives. I thought I’d give it fresh exposure and accordingly am resurrecting it. There’s a companion piece that I may also renew. It…
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Sid Caesar’s Spoof of Pagliacci
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 28th August 2019I realize many of you may not have a clue as to who Sid Caesar (1922-2014) was. He was a major comic during the early day of TV. This video is 64 years old and shows the kind of stuff he performed. Amazingly Carl Reiner is still with us. At age 97 he’s still going…
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Ancient
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 25th November 2018Shakespeare had seven ages of man. I being a far lesser mortal have but five, all prosaic. From 0 to 20 you’re a kid. From 20 to 40 young; 40 to 60 middle aged; 60 to 80 old. After 80 you’re ancient. Almost everyone want to live to be ancient, but nobody wants to be…
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The First Medical Harvey Award
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 29th July 2018The MHA is named for Harvey Kurtzman (no relation) the founder and first editor of Mad magazine. This award is not to be confused with the Harvey Awards for achievements in comic books. It (the MHA) is given to the authors of any paper in the scientific literature (not including the Journal of Irreproducible Results)…
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Investing for the Long Run
Written by Neil Kurtzman | 29th March 2018If you’ve been following the stock market for the last couple of months you’ve likely been afflicted with repeated vasovagal attacks. This is as close to either medicine or opera as I’m going to get in this piece. When the markets submerge the advice emitted by both casual and professional observers is always the same….
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